Her Words Destroyed My Planet
by whispertoascream333
Summary: Eli and Clare seemed like they had it all. But when Clare's confession pulls the brakes on their relationship, Eli struggles to come to terms with the end of his seemingly perfect romance
1. Chapter 1

Her Words Destroyed My Planet

Artist: Motion City Soundtrack

"If we'd only stayed togther/ I might not have fallen apart/ But the words you served destroyed my planet/I'll stall before I start, I'll stall before I start anything at all"

Chapter 1

Eli

The final bell rang for the day and for the school year. I couldn't wait. I raced out of the door with the most amazing feeling. Summer vacation was here which meant never ending time with Clare. We could hang out all day and talk all night on the phone. There was nothing to get in the way of the upcoming two and a half months. Freedom, complete and utter freedom.

I sat on the steps of school, right by the Degrassi sign waiting for Clare. I could see her through the glass doors. She smiled at me and came outside.

"Hey there beautiful," I said wrapping her up in a hug.

"Hey yourself, are you excited for summer vacation?" she asked, giving me a quick kiss.

"Do you even have to ask? Of course! Nothing but free time on our hands, what can be better than that?"

"So how should we commence our break? Grab a bite to eat at the Dot? Maybe go for a ride?"

A lightbulb flicked on over my head. "Yeah, a ride would be awesome, come on let's get out of here." I took a hold of her hand and we walked quickly to the parking lot. It proved a difficult task as the whole area around the school was packed with students all hanging about enjoying their newfound break. We were able to navigate our way over to Morty.

"Oh come on!" I said slamming my hand down on the steering wheel. We were still stuck in the lot after five minutes. The place was crawling with bumper to bumper traffic. No one seemed to be in a rush at all.

"Calm down, Eli," she said softly. "There's no need to hurry."

I turned my head and looked at her. Her brilliant blue eyes were fixed on me. "Sorry, I just want to spend time with you."

She laughed a little. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing, it's just, that's all we ever do. We're always together." There was a slight edge to her voice, or so I thought. She smiled quickly. I wasn't sure what to make of her statement. I decided to let it drop.

"I guess, but I love spending time with you, Clare. I love being around you, I can't help it."

I have to admit I was mildy horrified when she didn't say it back and that horror got kicked up another notch when she didn't say anything at all.

"Are you okay?" I ventured. We had made it out of the lot and onto the road. The silence in the car was deafening. I didn't know if I should of been worried or upset that she wasn't speaking.

"What? Yeah, no I'm fine." Clearly something was on her mind that she wasn't willing to share.

I started to feel edgy, something was going on with her and for the first time, she wasn't able to communicate with me. I continued the drive to our special spot in the woods. The peace of the forest was simply beautiful. I cut the engine and got out. Clare unbuckled her seatbelt and got out as well.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong, Clare?" I was a few feet from her. She stood with her hands crossed over her chest looking up at the treetops.

"I told you I'm fine."

"Yeah, and I don't believe that. I know you well enough to know when something is up."

Her lips parted like she was about to say something. She closed them back quickly and walked over to me. She stood right in front of me. After six months of dating, her beauty still overwhelmed me.

"Everything is fine Eli, trust me." She leaned in and kissed me. All my defenses were shot down, I couldn't resist her. All the concern and worry I felt disappeared in an instance. The kiss took on a whole new urgency. She ran her fingers through my hair. I breathed it all in. It wasn't like her to be this forceful, but I didn't object. Her hands found their way to my neck and she glided her finger tips along my collarbone. My heart got kicked into overdrive. As quickly as the kiss started, it was over.

I tried to get my breathing in check. Clare turned and walked away from me. She stood at the edge of the clearing, looking at nothing but the green surroundings. I felt worried. This was very unlike her. In the silence that fell between us I could hear her sniffing. I raced to her side.

"Clare, please talk to me. Honey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, Eli." Her eyebrows bunched together. I hated to see her like this. Clare is typically a strong girl. I was there for her the whole time her parents went through their divorce. So many nights I stayed up talking to her, helping her go through that difficult point. I felt like it was my duty to protect her. But it was clear that there was one thing I couldn't save her from.


	2. Chapter 2

Her Words Destroyed My Planet

Artist: Motion City Soundtrack

Chapter 2:

Clare:

I've never felt so guilty in my life. Eli was all a person could ever ask for. Smart, funny, caring, dependable, sweet, I could go on forever. Some days I felt like this was all a dream. How could I be so lucky to have the world's most perfect guy as a boyfriend. He could make me smile even in my darkest day. And I went and ruined it all with one stupid night. I couldn't stand to look Eli in the face any longer. It broke my heart into a million pieces as he tried to console me. _Just stop! Please! I don't deserve your sympathy_, I cried on the inside. If only he knew how much more he hurt me by trying to help me. I didn't deserve him at all, not his compassion, his thoughfulness, least of all his love.

"Clare, please talk to me. Honey, what's wrong?"

It was such a loaded question. So much was wrong that I feared it could never be right again. I was only able to muster the words "Nothing, Eli." It disgusted me how easy it was to lie to him. I couldn't carry on this charade much longer. It pained me everytime he held me, kissed me, or told me that he loved me. He deserved far more than me.

"I'm not feeling well, I think I need to go home," I said wiping tears from my eyes.

He kissed my forehead. "Alright, let's go." He started walking back towards Morty. I felt paralyzed. I couldn't even move. "Babe, what is it? Your stomach...your head? What's hurting?"

_Everything_, I wanted to say. "I don't know, it's kind of a mix." I started walking to the car.

"I'll get you home in no time, don't worry." We got in and Eli headed back down the road.

"I'm sorry to have cut the day short... I really didn't mean to ruin everything..."

"Are you serious? Clare, don't worry about it. All that matters is you getting home and feeling better." He squeezed my hand and glided his thumb across the back. He was trying to soothe me but it only made me feel worse.

We were quiet the whole way back, the only sound was the low hum of Morty's engine. Eli pulled up to my house. I got out of the car and he was at my side by the time I shut the car door. We walked in silence to my front door.

"Do you want me to stay with you? I could make you tea or soup," he offered. His eyes were so soft as he looked at me pleadingly. "I could stay, it's not a problem at all."

I wanted nothing more than to have him, but that was me being selfish. "It's okay, you don't have to Eli. Really, I'll be okay."

He looked reluctant. "If you need anything, anything at all, I don't care how small, you'll call me right?"

I gave my best attempt at a reassuring smile. "You got it." It seemed to work. He smiled and gave me hug.

"I hope you feel better." He kissed my gently on my forehead, smiled one last time and headed back to his car. Tears started to form and some escaped as I watched him drive off. My secret shame dug deep into my heart. I wanted to scream for him to come back. I wanted a chance to right my wrong. But some things are unforgiveable. I doubted even someone as forgiving as Eli would pardon me for what I had done.


	3. Chapter 3

Her Words Destroyed My Planet

Chapter 3

Eli:

I just got home from dropping Clare off. Things were strange to say the very least. One minute she was distant, the next she was all over me. She said she was feeling sick. I wanted to believe her but that annoying voice inside my head told me to be cautious. Whatever it was, I was positive Clare and I could get through it together. We were good at things like that. She helped me with my hoarding, I helped her through her parents divorce...there was nothing in this world that she and I couldn't tackle together.

Clare is my world. Without her, I don't know where I would be. When I look at her, I can't help but smile. She's absolutely perfect. Everything about her screams beauty, grace, and kindness. I never thought in a million years that I'd meet someone as genuine as her. Her heart is by far he purest thing I've ever come into contact with. She makes me want to be a better person. Before her, my life was going nowhere fast. She saved me from myself, and for that, I am forever in her debt. I don't mind it at all, I'd gladly spend forever with Clare.

Today made me feel uneasy. I tried to shake the feeling as I headed up to my room. CeCe and Bullfrog weren't in yet so I had the place to myself. I turned on the radio, cranked the volume up and flopped onto my bed. I stared up at the ceiling, flashbacks of the day swam in my mind. I was trying to decipher it all, trying to figure out any clues that may have been there. I came up blank. A few minutes later the phone rang.

"Hello," I said getting up and lowering the stereo.

"Hey Eli, I didn't think you'd actually be in right," said Adam.

"Neither did I. I was with Clare for a little while after school but she started to feel sick so I took her home."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, I hope she feels better."

"Yeah, me too," I said thoughtfully. "But what's up? What are your plans for the day?"

"That's actually why I called, there's talk of a party. Everyone wants one but we have nowhere to host a party big enough for the whole school."

I thought it over for a second. My spot in the woods came to mind, but that spot was special for Clare and I so I made a general suggestion. "Why not have the party in the woods? It could be a secret party, word of mouth invites. That way and all the PTA warriors won't get involved and we can just be free to cap off the year."

"Eli, you're brilliant! Did you know that?"

"Actually I did, but it's still nice to hear every once in a while," I said jokingly.

He laughed. "Well, I'm hoping to have this party tomorrow night. Do you think it's too short notice?"

"Not at all, just make sure to tell Fiona, Alli and Chantay. The whole school will know before you've even made all the plans."

"Too true. Well if I need anything-"

"Feel free to call me," I said finishing his sentence.

"Thanks Eli. I really appreciate it."

"No problem, I'm glad I could help."

We hung up and I turned back up the volume on the radio. Maybe a party was just what Clare needed to get out of her mood. I hoped she'd feel better by tomorrow night.


	4. Chapter 4

Her Words Destroyed My Planet

Chapter 4

Clare:

Tonight was the night of Adam's party. I had spent last night on the phone with Eli. It took awhile to convince him not to come over. He heard my voice when I answered the phone. He was two seconds from hopping into Morty and coming to my house. He thought it was because I was getting even more sick; little did he know my voice and nose were just shot from crying so much. Between the time he dropped me off and called me, I had been crying so hard into my pillow. I felt like such a wreck, curled up on my bed. I wanted the hurt to stop but I knew it wouldn't until I came clean. Then my phone rang and I saw that it was Eli. I stopped my crying instantly and sat for hours talking to him. I was so tempted to confess my shame to him right then and there. But he deserved to be told to his face. I couldn't be a coward about it. I needed to own up to what I had done.

I waited on my front step for Eli. I could see Morty from down the street. It's not everyday a hearse comes down your block. I dusted off my jeans and walked down the steps to meet him. He got out of the car and gave me a hug.

"So you're sure you're feeling better? We don't have to go if you don't want to."

"I'm positive, I think a party is a great idea right about now."

We got inside the hearse and were fast on our way to the party. Eli expertly drove through the woods. Soon enough, music could be heard and the sound of laughing and talking. He parked Morty and we made our way to the party, following the sounds of those already there.

It was amazing. Somehow Adam had turned this neck of the woods into an impromptu club. There were lights strung in the trees, some wrapped around tree trunks. A DJ booth was set up on the far side, blaring music from the heavy speakers. All around us, my peers danced along, talking among themselves.

"I can't believe Adam pulled this off in a day," I said in Eli's ear.

"There's no stopping that guy once he has a plan."

We walked around, mingling with the crowd. I ran into Alli and Drew. I stopped and had a quick conversation with them and rejoined Eli who was searching for Adam.

"There he is," I called out pointing to the far left where he sat with Fiona.

"Well he looks busy, I don't want to ruin his moment. I'll catch up with him later."

The party started taking on a new life, the music played on and there seem to be no end in sight. I was having a wonderful time with Eli. We danced along to every song that played. I was extremely thirsty so I broke away from Eli to get a drink.

"Looks like you're having a great time," said a familiar voice. This couldn't be happening. We went weeks without talking since that fateful day. Why did he have to be here right now ruining it all?

I poured myself a cup of fruit punch and pretended like he didn't say anything at all.

"Oh come on Clare, don't be like that. Can't I at least get a 'hello'?"

I looked him in the eyes. It was so hard to believe that this was the guy I once thought I loved. It was even harder to believe that I put my relationship with Eli in danger for him.

"KC, just leave me alone okay?"

His mouth twisted into a sly smile. "That's all you have to say to me? The last time we talked, you were a lot kinder."

I looked around fiercely. "Cut it out," I practically growled.

"Okay, okay! I can take a hint. But hey, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on again, I'd be more than happy to oblige."

I felt sick. I threw my cup down and raced off into the woods.

"Clare! Clare!" I heard a voice call after me. I knew it was Eli, but I couldn't deal with this right now. There was no possible way I could be strong enough.

I kept running. The sounds of the party faded and all I could hear were my panting and feet hitting the ground. Eli kept up his pursuit. I was out of options. I couldn't run forever.

I stopped dead in my tracks; Eli caught up not to long after.

"Clare, what's going on with you?" he asked putting his arms around me

"I cheated on you!" I shouted. Out there in the woods with just the two of us, it sounded like a shot was fired.

Eli flinched and took a few steps back. His face completely fell. He didn't say anything. His breathing got heavy and he kept shaking his head.

"No...no, Clare you couldn't have. You would never-" He ran a hand through his hair. "This doesn't make any sense. Clare please! Please tell me this is a joke."

I had no words. I couldn't think of anything to say that could right this wrong.

"Baby please. Clare, I'm begging you. This is a joke right? It has to be," he said, sounding more like he was talking to himself.

"I'm so sorry," I managed to say through my tears. I looked at Eli. His eyes were turning red and tears seemed to run down his face like waterfalls. "I didn't mean-I'm so sorry, you have to believe me." I went to reach for him. He shook off my hand.

"No! I don't have to do anything. How could you? After everything we've been through?" His voice cracked and he started to cry even harder than before. It killed me to see him like this. It killed me even more to know I was the cause.

"When? And with who?" he demanded.

I bit my lower lip. I didn't want to tell him.

"Answer me Clare. It's the least you could do."

I tried to form the words in my head. Everything blurred together into one jumbled mess. "It happened two weeks ago," I paused. "It was with KC." Something inside Eli's eyes snapped.

"I swear to God I'll kill him," he said beforing storming off in the direction of the party.


	5. Chapter 5

Her Words Destroyed My Planet

Chapter 5

Eli:

I was seeing red and feeling blue. I had never been this mad or hurt in my life. Clare cheated on me? How was that possible? She was the one person I could count on. I'd been there for her like no one else had and this is how she repaid me? I gave her everything I had, all my attention, my whole heart; but I guess it wasn't enough. I gave her all of me and still I came up short. I loved her more than anything in this world and she turns around steps all over my heart.

I left her there in the woods, on the hunt for that smug bastard KC. I needed to settle this. I could hear her chasing after me, calling my name, but it didn't make any difference. She broke me, the one person I though would never hurt me... I couldn't process anything. I just knew I needed to see KC. This had to get settled.

"Eli! Please wait! Eli!" Clare kept shouting my name as we raced back to the party.

We were near the clearing, the music was growing louder. I was right in the thick of the party. People around me moved away cautiously; something in my eyes and face warned them not to get to close. My eyes scanned the space looking for KC. Clare was right behind me.

"Eli, please let's just talk about this first, before you do anything you might regret."

"Don't you dare talk to me about regret!" I snarled. She froze in place. I gave her one last look and turned my attention back to finding KC. I found him a few seconds later near the DJ booth, talking to Jenna. I shoved past kids dancing. I ran right up to him.

"Hey Eli, how's it going?" he had the nerve to ask. The next thing I knew my fist connected with his face. Jenna leapt up from her seat.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Eli?" KC asked.

"Are you seriously going to ask me that knowing what you did? Screw you KC!" I swung at him again and connected for a second time. This time however he fought back.

We wrestled to the ground. Some girl screamed but I didn't care. I needed him to hurt just as much as me. I kept my attack punching and kicking every surface I could find.

"You ruined everything, KC! Everything! I loved her." I punched him in the face and put my hands around his throat.

"Eli get off!" I heard Adam cry out. There was no way in hell I was letting go. KC needed to pay.

"Eli! You're hurting him!"

"Good, he deserves it." KC started sputtering underneath me. I could feel hands on my arms and back as someone tried to pull me off. I turned to see Drew and Adam pulling me away.

"It's not worth it Eli! What's going on!" Adam demanded as soon as I was back on my feet and off of KC.

"Ask her!" I said pointing at Clare. I hadn't realized the music stopped and all eyes were on us. "How could you do this to me...to us?" I asked, my voice breaking with the pain and stress. "I gave you everything Clare." Tears started to form in my eyes. I needed to escape. I shrugged Adam's hand off my shoulder and walked past KC who was still gasping for air on the ground.

I needed to get far away from everything and everyone. I fumbled for my keys. I unlocked Morty and sat down at the steering wheel. I looked out the windshield. I had no idea where to go. Every place that came to mind was tainted with the memory of Clare. My heart felt like it had enough. It weighed heavily in my chest. I never felt pain like this before. I rested my head against the seat and let the tears fall. I kept picturing her with him. The thought made me sick to my stomach. I looked ahead, out the windshield again and saw a figure walking towards the car. I would know that walk anywhere. Why was she doing this to me? Hadn't she thought I had enough?


	6. Chapter 6

Her Words Destroyed My Planet

Chapter 6

Clare:

I would have never guessed Eli had it in him to snap like that. When I pictured confessing to him about my hookup with KC, I saw it going so differently in my head. I saw the two of us alone, having a conversation. I did not forsee a fight at a party with tons of people in the know, nor did I see a fight of any kind with KC and Eli. I'd seen Eli upset before but it was nothing like this at all. He was ruthless. He looked like a wild animal was he stalked through the woods and after KC. I kept trying to tell myself it wasn't real, but I could only be in denial for so long. I needed to see him now, I needed him to hear me out even if it was a lost cause.

I went back to where he had parked earlier, praying the whole way that he'd still be there. For the first time that night, luck was on my side. I could see Morty and Eli's figure behind the wheel. I needed to think fast. The second he realized it was me, he could drive off and that would just be the end. I walked forward slowly, biding my time. From what I could see he didn't flinch at all. I took that as a good sign. I made it to the car and knocked on the passenger side door. I heard the soft sound of the lock going up. I opened the door and sat inside.

The silence and tension that filled the car was enough to make me want to scream. I couldn't look him in the face, not yet. I knew I needed to speak soon, the silence boar on for too long.

"It wasn't supposed to happen like this. I never set out to hurt you; I never wanted to do that. It all happened so fast, I can't even explain it." I turned in my seat to look at him. He still sat facing forward, staring out of the windshield. He was crying silently. I wanted to wipe away his tears but I thought better of it.

"You deserve to know the truth. I didn't wan't it to come out like this. I love you so much Eli that it scares me. You mean the world to me Eli-"

"And yet it wasn't it enough," he said in a grave voice. "It wasn't enough to keep you from hurting me and this relationship." He was still looking out the window. From what I could see from the side of his face, his mouth twisted up in disgust.

"I didn't mean to Eli, please! You have to know that..."I trailed off.

"Just tell me how and why Clare. How could you let this happen?" He faced me now. My heart broke even more at the sight of his torn expression. He looked like a man on fire.

"You were gone that weekend with your parents. I went to the Dot and I ran into KC. I hadn't spoken to him since we broke up last year. He sat with me and we had coffee...we caught up on each others life. He said he missed me and honestly, there was a part of me that missed him too." I bit my lower lip and tried to look for changes in his expression. It seemed the same so I continued.

"We talked for a long time, until closing. My mom was out for the night, KC invited me back to his place. And then..." I couldn't continue.

He simply nodded. I didn't like him being this calm. I wanted him to yell at me, I wanted him to scream at me and call me out on everything.

"Eli, what are you thinking?" I asked after about five minutes of him being completely silent.

"I just...I need some time to think this over. I need to be alone right now, okay?"

"Alright, I'll give you space." I gripped the door handle. "Please, call me if you need to. And please, don't do anything rash." He looked at me flatly, emotionlessly. This didn't sit well with me. "Bye Eli"

"Goodbye Clare." I got out the car. He drove off seconds later. My heart started to beat quickly as I watched him go. I was worried that he was going to do something harmful, if not to someone...then to himself.


	7. Chapter 7

Her Words Destroyed My Planet

Chapter 7

Eli:

What do you do when your whole world falls around you? How do you move on when the ground is pulled from underneath you? How can you breathe when your reason for living damn near kills you? Is it worth living at all?

I drove without having anywhere to be. I just needed to get as far away from Clare and the party as possible. I couldn't think straight. Nothing made sense, my life felt like a complete waste. I drove with a void in my heart, an empty space that I felt could no longer be filled.

The open road seemed like my only option. My phone was ringing like crazy. There were missed calls and messages from everyone, Adam in particular. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I'm sure they were all worried about me. I was too. I felt so out of it. It was almost like habing an outer body experience. I could see it all playing out like a movie, a tradegy, a horror. In minutes, everything slipped through my fingers. I lost the love of my life and my heart.

Tears filled my eyes too much to see the road at some points. A part of me wanted to keep going. It would have been so easy to crash and get it over with. If I were lucky I'd go into a coma, or better yet die. But then what good would that do? Reason got the better of me and I pulled off to the side of the road. I had no idea where I was, I had to be miles out of town. I looked at my phone: 25 missed calls and 20 voicemails from Adam, Clare, and other kids from school. They were worried, I had to at least speak to someone so they could spread the word that I was okay, at the very least alive. There was no way I was speaking to Clare so I decided to call Adam.

"Eli where are you!" were the first words out his mouth. "Jesus, we've been worried sick! You can't just take off like that and take forever to respond!"

"I know, and I'm sorry. I'm just going through a lot right now." At this point I had gotten out of the car and was pacing on the side of an abandoned road. It was all to fitting to my current state.

"Where are you now?"

I looked around. There was nothing that hinted to where I might be. "I'm not sure. Just know that I'm okay."

"That's not enough Eli," his tone grew serious. I could tell he wasn't only worried but scared. "Just turn back the way you came, I'll find you along the way."

My anxiety started to build. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears. "If I come, promise me that'll it will just be the two of us. I don't want to see anyone else."

"Done. You got it, just please head back now."

"Okay, I'm on my way." I hung up and got back into the car, and headed back for home.

I drove with a clearer head this time around and soon enough, things started to look familiar. I drove straight to Adam's house. There was no way I was going back to the party. I knocked on his door. Seconds later, Adam was right on the other side. He didn't say anything as he looked at me through the screen door and let me in. We went to his room wordlessly.

"What are you thinking right now E?" he asked after I sat on his computer chair. We still hadn't spoken.

"Not much of anything. I have no idea where to start. This has single-handedly been he worst night of my life. And to think I had all these plans for us this summer. One day in and it's all down the drain."

"I've never seen you like that before. I really thought you were going to kill him."

I laughed a humorless laugh. "I honestly thought I was going to also. I wanted to, so badly. I wanted him to hurt like me. But it wouldn't have been enough."

"Are you ever going to speak to Clare again?"

Just hearing her name made me wince a little. "I don't know. Half of me wishes that we could work it out, the other half wants nothing to do with her. How is it possible that the person responsible for all your happiness can be responsible for all your pain? Did I do something wrong? I don't get it?"

Adam's face was thoughful as he searched for the right words to say. "I think you guys need to talk. I'm not saying get back together, but there's alot that's probably going unsaid."

I nodded in agreement. "I just keep wondering where we went wrong. None of this makes any sense," I growled running hand through my hair.

"These questions will only get answered when you talk to her. You don't have to do it tonight or even tomorrow. You'll just have to whenever you're ready, however long that takes."

I chewed on my thumbnail as I thought it over. "I need to settle this now."

"Are you sure now's the best time? I mean...Eli, things are kind of raw. Give it a day or two at the very least-"

"No. It has to be now." I dug in my pocket for my phone. I scrolled through the contacts until I found her name. I froze for a second before hitting send. Adam watched me with wide eyes from the edge of his bed. The ringing repeated about five times before she picked up.

"Eli!," she said breathlessly. "I'm so glad you called, I was really worried about-"

"We need to talk...seriously talk. Meet me at our spot in the morning, around nine."

"Okay. I'll be there."

I hung up and turned to Adam. "I just need the night to calm down."

"Understandable. You can crash here if you want. I don't like the idea of you being out driving around."

I smiled in spite of myself. "Thanks, I'll take you up on that offer."

I layed on the floor after talking to Adam for a while. He was fast asleep in his bed, probably dreaming about Fiona. I was wide awake. Sleep stayed far from me as my mind kept picturing how tomorrow with Clare would go. I needed to plan it out in my head. I didn't want my emotions to take over. I looked up at the ceiling in the slight darkness of Adam's room. I wondered what Clare was doing. I hated how much I still thought about her. Whatever she was doing now shouldn't have been my concern. Any other guy in my shoes would hav washed his hands completely of her. A piece of me still held on to the hope that we could work it out. I guessed only time could tell.


	8. Chapter 8

Her Words Destroyed My Planet

Chapter 8

Clare:

He wanted to talk. This had to be a good thing right? I hoped so. I spent the whole night with talking to Alli. She offered for me to come over but I just couldn't face her. I was sure that she, like the entire school, thought poorly of me. It's not like they didn't have every right to. Eli and I had a wonderful relationship. Everyone would always tell me how lucky I was and joked about getting an invite to our wedding. That felt like a lifetime ago. The fall from grace was painful.

I got up and dressed early to meet Eli. I got to our spot around 8:30. Eli wasn't there yet so I had some time to prepare myself. I knew I would answer whatever questions he asked honestly. This was no time to be secretive or dishonest. I paced around waiting for him, checking my watch constantly. I was scared to see him. I had no idea what to expect. Was he still heated? Had he calmed down? So many question floated in my head as I waited for him to arrive. I kept pacing until I heard Morty's engine. My heartbeat went into overtime. I struggled to keep my nerves in line. I froze in place facing the direction he would be coming from. Morty came into view and I could see Eli behind the wheel. He stopped the car a few feet from me and got out.

I got butterflies in my stomach when Eli got out of the car. His expression was unreadable. He looked like he had spent most of the night awake; small bags were underneath his eyes. I breathed in quickly, steadying myself as he came closer.

"Morning," he said.

"Good morning. How are you?"

"Pretty good, given the circumstances." My heart dropped.I simply nodded.

"Yeah," I had no idea what to say next. "Eli..."I couldn't form a proper sentence to save my life. I shook my head trying to get my thoughts together. I started to feel flustered and before I knew it, tears were streaming silently down my face. "I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am. I wish more than anything that I could take it back, but I can't."

For a second it looked like he was about to step closer but thought better of it. "I don't doubt that you're sorry. And in a strange way, I can say that I forgive you."

I couldn't believe my ears. "What?" I didn't deserve to be forgiven.

"I had a lot of time to think last night. I had so much on my mind. I thought seriously of going back and finishing KC off, I thought about yelling and you and making you hurt just as much as me...but then I thought 'What difference would it make?' It wouldn't change the fact that you guys hooked up behind my back. It wouldn't erase any of it." He walked a bit closer to me. "I want nothing more than to forget it all but that's not possible."

"So where do we go from here?"

"No where. I can't be with someone I can't trust." My heart turned to ice at how easy it was for him to say this. "And a friendship? If anything I'd need more time. It's hard to be around you."

"I know." _More than you realize_, I thought to myself. It was difficult for me to be so close to him and know that I could go over and hold him. I only had myself to blame. I didn't deserve him sugar coating or not being blunt. I hurt him to his core.

"I'm going to go now. There isn't anything left to say." He turned and unlocked Morty. "I really hope you have a nice life Clare. I honestly do." He gripped the handles and got inside. He drove off leaving me with my misery and heartbreak.


	9. Chapter 9

Her Words Destroyed My Planet

Chapter 9

Eli:

It was by far the hardest thing I had to do, say goodbye to the love of my life. But it had to be done. I needed a clean break, if not I'd spend forever in a constant tug of war. I got in my car leaving Clare in the woods. I could see her in the rearview mirror as I headed home. For a fraction of a second I wanted to stop the car, get out and race over to her. I wanted to kiss her and hold her in my arms and say to her that everything was going to be okay and that we could work things out. But I couldn't. In the end it would have been a complete lie. We could never be the same as we were before. It was a sad truth that I had to face.

The image of her still stayed in my mind long after I got home. I layed in bed staring up at the ceiling thinking about her. I scrolled through my phone at all the pictures I had of her. I studied her amazing blue eyes. Even in pictures I could hear her laugh when I saw her smile. I would miss these things about her. My phone rang, interrupting my trip down memoty lane.

"Hello," I said.

"Hey E, how is everything?" Adam asked sounding really concerned.

I sighed. "I'm still not sure. I ended it completely...but what if it was a mistake? What if we could have really worked things out?"

"I wish I could answer that for you, but I can't. It's really your call."

My mind felt heavy from the weight of my decision. I turned to my nightstand where a picture of Clare and I sat. We looked so happy then. My mind flash back to the night before when she told me what she had done. The look on her face was a far cry from the picture on my nighstand. She was full of so much regret. I knew that she was sorry, more than she could even explain.

"I already told her this was the end of us."

"Even as friends?"

"I left that up in the air, I told her that if we were to be friends that it might be a while. I do want her in my life. I can't let her go. I just...I don't know."

"Try not to stress it E."

"I know, but still...Thanks though."

"You're welcome. Call me if anything okay?"

"You got it." We hung up and I went back to thinking. Just then the door bell rang. I went downstairs and opened the door only to find Clare on the other side. She looked defiant, her eyes burning into mine. I got out the house and down the front steps with her.

"I just came by to say that I really hope we can be friends.


End file.
